Here’s a factoid you may have heard: 86% of employees who voluntarily leave their jobs say they do so because of “a bad boss.” Almost none of us would claim to be in that category, but perhaps some previous employee (one?) might have thought that. How is that even possible when we did our absolute best every day?

day?

It’s usually not through bad intentions that we act in “bad” ways. One thing most managers do through good intentions is just to talk way too much. We tell, we explain, we tell, we explain.

Did you realize the typical manager does almost 80% of the talking in discussions with staff members? The higher up our position is, the more other people listen to us. It doesn’t take long for us to get the idea that we should be the ones doing most of the talking. Good intentions, bad idea.

If you’d like to shift the balance in your own discussions with employees, here’s a simple tactic: Each time you talk with a staff member, make a point to spend 20% more time asking questions. Writer David Rock in his book Quiet Leadership suggests you can teach employees to think proactively by asking leading questions like, “If you were to take on this project, how do you see yourself proceeding?” or “What are some of the challenges you anticipate at this point?”

As many of you know, there’s no end to the useful information we can glean from asking these or relationship-building questions such as: “What motivates you to do your best work?” What do you like best about your job?” “What’s the one part of it you wish were different?”

We just don’t always get around to the questions, that’s all. Time runs out.

Yet if we give the impression that we’re the only ones worth listening to, others will naturally tune out (silent or delayed eye-rolling may be involved). One CEO I coached regretted the silence he had induced earlier in his career: “Once I put on a suit, nobody told me the truth anymore. In fact, nobody told me much at all. I thought I was the one with information.”

Like him, we only need to remember that the more we shut up, the more they’ll talk. If they talk they engage. Isn’t that what we say we want?

What tactics have you used to talk less and listen more?  Join the conversation by adding a comment below.