Whether you think of yourself as an introvert or an extrovert, being in a room with a person who never stops talking can really drive you crazy. “Bigmouths,” as I call them privately, can pop up anywhere: your work team, your board, your family, your social life. While you yourself might weigh whether and when to jump into a conversation, Bigmouths act as if their every thought is worth sharing, piping up constantly, and even talking over others.

You’ll recognize Bigmouths by what they “add” to a conversation or meeting:

1. They suck up all the airtime. Let’s say there are five other people in the group, two of whom you might like to hear more from. You’ll never get the chance, because the Bigmouth somehow doesn’t see the need to share the discussion space.
2. They never affirm others. Their attention does not go toward exploring someone else’s idea or view. Others exist for audience purposes only. Go ahead, tell your best funny story. I guarantee: you’ll get nothin’.
3. They bore you. We humans crave variety—whether it’s voices, faces, music, or Instagram posts. While some Bigmouths appear smart or entertaining at first, their charm pretty soon runs its course.
4. They deprive the group of hearing other worthwhile views. Because they’re always talking, they aren’t really aware that there are other worthwhile views in the group. If questioned, they’ll sometimes say, “Well, nobody else had anything to say.” (Duh.) You can imagine the dampening effect this has on productivity and problem solving.
5. They don’t toss the conversational ball to others. Whereas most of us develop some ability to hand off the discussion (“So that’s how I see it. What’s your experience?”), Bigmouths don’t demonstrate this basic social skill. They keep on talking, failing to “read the room.”
6. They don’t learn well. Since they’re not paying attention to you or others, they’re not expanding their own knowledge—of people in the group or of ideas and solutions other than their own. This makes the best of them tiresome and the worst, just stupid. A CEO I know who’s an unusually good listener explains the listening/learning dynamic this way: “I try to listen as much as possible because as long as I’m the one talking, I’m not learning anything.”
7. Their relationships with people often crash and burn. Since they’re not taking the time to know others, their empathy skills and emotional intelligence remain oddly stunted. To them, anything imperfect in a team or a relationship can only mean the other person is wrong. So Bigmouths tend to operate with a kind of first-you’re-fabulous, then-you-should-be-fired mentality.
8. They deplete the group’s energy, then they deplete the group. Most people enjoy contributing their views and experience, so if that’s not possible with Bigmouth around, they withdraw their participation—first conversationally, then physically. I’ve seen entire work teams transfer or resign, just to escape the feelings of pointlessness and invisibility engendered by a Bigmouth.

All this damage adds up, so we do our team and ourselves a huge injustice if we as leaders excuse Bigmouth’s behavior as “just their personality.” It’s behavior. And behavior can sometimes change—but only with strong motivation.

If you supervise or manage such a person, treat Bigmouth behavior like any other performance issue. Plan to have a chat with the person—firm, kind, respectful, and behavior-based. If the discussion goes well, it could be life-changing and career-enhancing for the Bigmouth, not to mention helpful to you. After all, you’ve probably had enough of this person’s big, big mouth.

In my next article, I’ll delve into specifics for for planning and conducting an impact-oriented conversation to address Bigmouth behavior.

What tactics have you seen work with the Bigmouths you know?  Join the conversation by adding a comment below.

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